Calming the tempest

'T was as sudden as rain
after a long endured drought
it caught me off-guard,

I felt my world spin faster
and I knew I was in for
a total disaster,

Now there's this tempest in my head
and should I fail to calm it
it will be wrecking my sanity

tonight.

The stars remember

I looked out into the night sky and thought to myself, the stars must have forgotten us. I hugged myself, closed my eyes and felt the memory come back to me. When I opened my eyes, I knew, they haven't forgotten us yet.

They remember, and so do I.

June 15, 2005

June 15, 2005

I was disappointed I didn't make it to best class. Lola's friends in the Guidance office said it's because I had a really low score in the math parts of the entrance test.

So, on the first day of the class, I decided to pick a chair along the second row and sit there. I waited for my first class. Our class adviser went in for a while, discussed a couple of things and then went out again. I didn't know what we were waiting for and I was a bit sleepy. I've always been sleepy back then. I stared outside and gazed at the sky. I couldn't remember what I was thinking about back then but, I remember that a few moments later, you walked in. You walked into our classroom along with your partner, you almost tripped when she paused along your way, probably hesitant to get into a class full of curious eyes. You nudged her and kept her walking, teasing her a bit. You held something in your hands but I can't remember what it was and, sadly, I can't remember some of the details either. But I know for a fact that, by walking into that class, you also walked into my life. I could never forget you from then on.

You were wearing your school uniform, your khaki pants a couple of shades lighter than those of my male classmates. You looked so fair you kind of dazzled my eyes. I didn't know your name, but I felt like I already knew you.

I'm old enough not to believe in love at first sight these days, it's just too banal for my taste, but each time I remember June 15, 2005, I couldn't help but wonder what it was that had drawn me to you.

And I keep asking myself, how can it be that, years later, the feeling would just come back to me, as though it was never even gone in the first place?

Being poetic at Solomon Hall

Why is it, heaven

That at every drop of hope you send

You let despair rain on me

You cast me a glimmer of your light

And yet how do I see it

When your darkness have stolen my sight?

Frowning at the computer

Perhaps the only way to teach someone to treat you better is by leaving them and letting them realize on their own how much they need you back. That way, they'll work hard to win you back, and if ever you'd give them another chance (since you only really just wanted teach them a lesson anyway), they'll be careful not to lose you again.

Gawd. This is the most frustrating thing ever. It's my Civil Service exam tomorrow and basically, the only preparations I've made include staying awake for 20 hours to finish our thesis, going home after six in the morning, sleeping for five hours, waking up to eat lunch, eating lunch like a man, scanning through some pages of my reviewer, sleeping again, and lastly, waking up to face disappointments. 

I think with all those things, I'd definitely pass the exam. 

When will I ever learn? I've tried getting away from this crap for several times, but when will I ever mean it when I say, I'M DONE!?

Hang in there for a while

I can't sleep.

My laptop's battery meter shows that I only have 17 percent of my battery remaining, which is about 26 minutes of battery life left. I don't know if I could finish this that quick but, anyway, this is not exactly a novel so perhaps, yeah, I can.

I don't know why I can't sleep. I had a cup of coffee but it was decaf so I don't think I should have trouble sleeping with less than a pint of decaffeinated Christmas in a cup. I can't stop the flow of thoughts into my head. I feel like a ship sinking due to the heavy barrels of thoughts that are weighing me down. They flow into my system in such strong currents I could barely understand any of them.

I can deny all I want but I know, deep down, there's that little ache I've been trying to ignore for quite a while. I tell myself to just keep moving, keep going because I don't want to stop for anyone at all but, somehow, a part of me would want to just take a break, catch my breath and really figure out what I really want.

I know what's at stake. I do know what's at stake, which is why it is a lot harder and more painful to decide.

I just console myself with the idea that I am not really holding on to anything after all, so it shouldn't hurt that much.

But hell, truth is, it actually does.

And here's the thing, I'm letting my heart break just to protect someone else's heart from breaking apart.

Does that even sound sane?

____hang in there for a while.

Dear You

Dear You who invades my dreams every once in a while,


Hi. How's Poseidon, is he treating you well? I hope so. The truth is, I'm glad to have you back in my life. I thought I'll never see you again when you vacated that small space in my life you held years ago. But I guess I'm wrong. It's nice to be with you again. I like talking to you. I don't know if it's just me but we really do connect in ways that I can't explain. Your emotions may not exactly be as unpredictable as mine but, somehow, we understood each other. You just know what I'm talking about most of the time and it fascinates me that you just get me without me elaborating.

I like how we've gotten closer since the last time we saw each other again. But it's weird though, it's weird that I'm scared to know you, scared to get even more close to you. I like being around you but it seems that getting even more close to you would lead me to another emotional disaster. And I just don't have time for the pain or any other complicated things right now.

Being near you,  it's like getting close to the fire on a cold, rainy night. I like being with you because I get to have a bit of the sunshine that you radiate from your soul. I've always been cautious not to get too close, though, for I fear I might be pulled by your gravity and I won't anymore be in control, and I like being in control.

But it seems that if I go on, I'd lose control pretty soon. I've built walls around me but it's surprising how you could just blow them off effortlessly.

So, dear you, who invades my dreams once in a while, please, don't let me lose control. I just can't lose control.