Hang in there for a while

I can't sleep.

My laptop's battery meter shows that I only have 17 percent of my battery remaining, which is about 26 minutes of battery life left. I don't know if I could finish this that quick but, anyway, this is not exactly a novel so perhaps, yeah, I can.

I don't know why I can't sleep. I had a cup of coffee but it was decaf so I don't think I should have trouble sleeping with less than a pint of decaffeinated Christmas in a cup. I can't stop the flow of thoughts into my head. I feel like a ship sinking due to the heavy barrels of thoughts that are weighing me down. They flow into my system in such strong currents I could barely understand any of them.

I can deny all I want but I know, deep down, there's that little ache I've been trying to ignore for quite a while. I tell myself to just keep moving, keep going because I don't want to stop for anyone at all but, somehow, a part of me would want to just take a break, catch my breath and really figure out what I really want.

I know what's at stake. I do know what's at stake, which is why it is a lot harder and more painful to decide.

I just console myself with the idea that I am not really holding on to anything after all, so it shouldn't hurt that much.

But hell, truth is, it actually does.

And here's the thing, I'm letting my heart break just to protect someone else's heart from breaking apart.

Does that even sound sane?

____hang in there for a while.