Morning shit

9:02am, Monday.


I've been up early. Had to go to the bath a few minutes before five in the morning and I never went back to sleep until now. So much for trying to reset my bodyclock.

It's my first day of the second semester today. I've been going to school since last week but I never got to attend my classes. Part of me is not ready, part of me is just too damn tired to actually listen to lectures, let alone explain to my teachers why I haven't been to school.

Most of the time, I feel like I actually pass out in the middle of my waking hours, it's as though, I'm awake the whole time but I'm actually not. I don't know, and I don't know how to know anymore.

A few moments ago, I was trying to iron my uniform and I struggled to get rid of the wrinkles on my uniform and again, I remembered my old man. I remember how ironing my clothes and everyone's clothes was his forte. My uniform would always look its best whenever he irons it, and I always tell people it was my lolo who ironed it.

It's funny that I've been wishing for him to appear in my dreams but, when he did last night, I actually ran away. And I'm pissed with myself for doing so. I just really wanna say goodbye for the last time. I feel really bad for not being the lovable granddaughter that I could have been. I hate myself for being too angry I drifted away from him.

And seriously, if there's any way at all that I could bring him back, I would. I really would.

But there's nothing that I can do to do that. Nothing at all. So I better stop this right here and just get on with my life. I have a 10:30am class, after all.