Is it really promising?

This was what I wrote for the Column Writing competition of the Philippine Information Agency Basic Journalism Seminar at Iloilo City about a week ago. All details were only based on what I had in mind, on what I have already heard even before we came to the event and not on research. Heck! We didn't have enough time. But, anyhow.. This was promising, or at least they thought at that time.

Hodgepodge

Now who’s the Boss?

By Coleen Edrea F. Ematong

He rallied the nation with his battle cry “Kung walang kurap, walang mahirap” during the May 2010 elections over a year ago. He seemed so determined to get rid of the existing crocodiles and pigs that fed on the funds of the government. He had organized a Truth Commission, uprooted a bunch of government officials and replaced them with those people whom he trust, went out of his car along a busy street in New York to buy hotdog, and implemented the Wang-Wang Policy which is among the most mentioned word (or is it even a word?) in his entire speech. It’s been a year however, and reading his prepared speech for his second State Of the Nation Address (SONA) last July 25, I can say that he hasn’t learned much in his first term of service.

President Benigno Simeon Aquino III (PNOY) said that his critics are right, for him, eliminating the corrupt government officials is indeed personal. I admire the president for having said it but, then again, I couldn’t help myself from remembering the promise he made in front of many excited Filipinos who watched his inauguration as president a year ago. He said that the people are his BOSS. But by the looks of it, he is his own boss.

On the same day of his SONA, student activists and various rally groups all gathered to protest about the budget cuts and deprivation of ‘quality’ education from a number of Filipino youths. League of Filipino Students (LFS) activist Patz Ombion even shared that instead of doing something about the state of education here in the country, the government under the reign of PNOY even allowed budget cuts which is the decrease of the budget given to non-performing (low performing) State Universities and Colleges (SUCs) to increase the budget of those performing (high performing) SUCs.

If we think about it, this budget cuts is totally unfair because every Filipino has a right to quality education and decreasing the budgets of schools that are considered non-performing isn’t really the best way to make this nation a nation of well-educated and able people.

I may be one of those who stood up for PNOY during his campaign for presidency but I must say that he has forgotten about us, being his boss just as quick as the year went by. And as I watch more youths quit school, I could only ask silently, now, who’s the Boss?

*****

The controversy about the church being one big corrupt institution took its roots right from the time when the country’s national hero Dr. Jose Rizal was writing his first two novels. Even I, though brought up by religious grand-parents never really doubted that there is corruption in the church. However, dropping the bomb about the donated cars and Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office (PCSO) anomalies right at the time when the religious leaders of the Catholic Church are very firm in going against the proposed RH Bill is obviously a diversion tactic of those politicians who thought of embarrassing the bishops to make the people see that their ‘beloved’ priests are nothing but imperfect as well.

Seriously, could there be anything lamer than what they thought of?

Exposing the flaws of those bishops who, in their despair, accepted and even asked for cars from the government because they really need it in their ministry anyway did nothing but only show that nobody in this messed up world is perfect. There are only those who could commit a mistake out of need and those who could deliberately do wrong things out of want.

But just like what Sen. Miriam Defensor- Santiago said during the Senate probe on the involvement of the bishops on the PCSO anomalies, “KEEP THE BISHOPS OUT OF IT!”

*****

I live somewhere in the east of Bacolod so I don’t frequently pass by the road where the first ever skyway in the city is being built. But when I passed by that road on my way to our publication’s printing press, I was appalled. Had I not seen the skyways built in Manila and Iloilo, I would probably just admire the infrastructure but sadly, that’s not exactly what happened.

With the length of the skyway, it seemed to me that the traffic would only be minimized at one end of the skyway since private and other smaller vehicles would pass by the infrastructure only to face a much worse traffic at the other end. If its length was made to reach from the Ramos intersection and end just beyond the factory of Pepsi Cola, it would probably be of help lessening the road congestion. However, by the looks of it, this skyway is only another not-so-useful-infrastructure-built-for-the-sake-of-building.

It won’t really do much help with the traffic but, it did help politicians in showing the people where funds go: to some crappy skyway, where else do you think?

*****

The College of Engineering Society has recently launched their Zero Styro project which aims to lessen trashed styrofoam in the school campus by encouraging students to have their food eaten in the foodcourt instead of taking them out and having to place them in a food container which is of course, made of styrofoam. Engineering Society president Rupert Simeon also suggested that if the students really don’t want to eat inside the foodcourt, they could still take their food out even when placed on plates and then just go back afterwards to return them.

I was very much willing to support this project so as I paid for my lunch, I instructed the lady in the food stall not to place my food in the Styrofoam anymore. I was proud of myself at that instant but when afternoon came, I chanced upon the trash bin near our publication’s office and saw just how full the bins were. I was upset.

I know everyone of us has principles and each of us has the right to choose whether we should support a particular project of some school organizations or not. But then again, this Zero Styro is not just ‘another’ project. It is a step being taken by its proponents to somehow help in saving the environment and if not, at least slow down its destruction.

Seriously, would this feat really be too hard for us to do?

After all, saving our environment is not just an advocacy; rather, it is everyone’s moral responsibility.

Flash backs

I was just there.. Lying on the couch, curved into a ball, hugging myself because it was darn cold in the office. I was trying to sleep but I couldn't seem to fall asleep, I blame the strawberry milkshake I drank at lunch. I tried so hard to ignore the noise produced by the people in the office and closed my eyes. But then I realized, it wasn't even that noisy really, perhaps, I was hearing a different noise. It was like a hard rock melody that's been playing for so long and no matter what I try to do, I couldn't seem to shut it off.

It was coming from within. Like a bomb on the trigger I couldn't seem to put a stop to.

I close my eyes and though there are lots of happier memories I could think about, I just don't understand why it is that memory that keeps on flashing back into my mind. That memory, so distinct and excruciating.

I got up abruptly, not wanting to drown myself into those memories again.

I got work to do.

Just trying to write

I call myself a writer, sometimes, a journalist (a student journalist to be exact) but most of the time, I don't think I should tag myself these. I am just another dot in a a group of sentences, another kernel in a corn, another leaf in a tree... I am a NOBODY.

But don't get me wrong. I am not sulking in self-pity, neither am I trying to get people's sympathy.. Really, I don't need that. I just thought that, maybe I should remember who I am, realize what I am and how I should be. About a week ago, I went to Iloilo for the Philippine Information Agency Basic Journalism Seminar along with four other members of the Publication where I spend most of my mental energy. We went there and won a few awards, ugh! Now this is sort of bragging already.

Anyway, moving on.. We were supposed to get back to Bacolod by Saturday but there was this retreat that I had to go to a day before so I had to go back ahead of the others just to be in the city in time for the retreat. It was great, being in two places in a very short while. I felt drained as soon as I laid my back on my bed after the retreat though.

And now that I am back to reality, I can't seem to figure out which to do first. Sigh.

Just one of those days. Just one of thooose days.

I'd rather

I'd rather come across people in suit and tie than see those who wear tattered clothes and mismatched slippers.

I'd rather have someone tell me his tummy's aching due to excessive eating than see a kid or an old man beg along the streets. 

I'd rather see somebody throw leftovers than witness somebody else pick it up to so he could eat it. 

I'd rather listen to an arrogant, rich kid than hear the sentiments of somebody who hasn't eaten for days because honestly, I'd rather feel hate than feel pity. 

A Secret Wish

20^th, June 2011

1:58am

It’s been about two hours past Fathers’ Day. And the whole 24 hours passed without me greeting him at all. Not even one tiny smiley from me to him to make him feel that somehow, my anger had subsided. I couldn’t make him think that way, it’s not me to make people believe something that is not true. Honestly, I am not at all affected à lie. I am not feeling bad at the thought that he might be very lonely right now because I didn’t even bother to greet him Happy Fathers’ Day, just like how I pretended not to remember his birthday àanother lie.

Alright. So I’m in denial. But if you were me, what would you do? Seriously, being in denial, pretending not to care and ignoring the pain keep me from losing my sanity these days. Being in denial keeps my foundation intact. Without this particular coping mechanism, I don’t know where I’d be right now. 

It’s been months since they left, months since I had my first ever emotional breakdown because I felt like my entire family hated me for hating him and his woman. Of course, they still think worse of me until now, which is also among the many reasons why I couldn’t seem to forgive him… them. 

My grandmother, that little woman who- despite all the painful words she’d spoken to me- is just so dear to me, kept on telling me to forgive him. But sometimes, I pretty much want to just yell at her, cry right in front of her and ask her what she knows about forgiveness. Ah! Most people never really grasp the fact that forgiveness is among the many things in the world that is easy to ask for but is just so difficult to give.

But well, it’s been months. Somehow, I’ve already picked up the pieces of my shattered self. It was hard, but I didn’t have a choice. I think the easiest things to get done are those that leave you with no choice at all but to have it done.

I still get mad, but the anger doesn’t anymore show. I still cry, but the tears are less than there was before.

I’ve learned to just step on the broken pieces of everything that was ruined by my anger. I stepped on those broken pieces and walked on them. It hurt but I kept walking, to where I am right now. I haven’t gotten that far yet, but I’m trying hard to leave that ugly island of resentment behind.

Thinking about the past five months of my life while listening to Tim Mcgraw’s “My Little Girl” and Bob Carlisle’s “Butterfly Kisses” over and over again, I find myself all the more sad.

It may have been five months, I’ve been through hell but the wounds are still fresh and the pain keeps on coming back.

But despite everything, I would lie to myself if I would say that I don’t miss him. Because I do, a lot.

And if there’s one thing, just one thing that I would wish for right now, that would be for me to go back to when I was five years old. Back to those days when I get to ride on his back on our way home from that resort where he used to teach little kids to swim, back to those days when we watch cartoons late at night and he makes pineapple or pomelo juice for me. Back to those times when he brings me to the mountains, makes me a swing between banana trees and watches me play in the river. Back to those times when he brings me to school and fetches me when school’s over. Back to those times when I was his little girl…. Back to those times.

I never wanted to be this mad at him, but I’ve been hurt too much.

And as much as I wanted to be back into those days, I just know that life doesn’t have a timeline where anyone could just go back to whatever time they would want to go back to. And my wish of being his little girl again, would just remain a secret…. Forever.

The Zagu Crew

It's La Salle's 100th year in the Philippines today.

Of course, it's a really big celebration. The kind that involves various beats of music, lots of food, crowds, queuing at the Discipline Office, Bands, and Fireworks display. 

I've spent most hours of the day inside the office, I can't seem to stay out of the office for more than five minutes, I could and would have wanted to if only it wasn't too hot outside. Well, blame global warming then. I did cover some events somehow but mostly, I've been facing my computer, strumming the guitar and well, eating the food given by Dean of Student Affairs Mr. Andrei Tagamolila. I don't know why but my respect for that man only grows as months pass. 

Anyway, going back.. I ate a lot during lunch and three hours after, I didn't resist the urge of buying a cup of Zagu. You know, it's this cool drink that has sago in it. And so I went to Zagu's booth just outside the Coliseum lobby and bought my own cup. As always, it's Choco Caramel, Regular. 

I watched the crew do their job and I stared at the face of the guy who took my order. He looked like he was somewhere between 20-28 years old. He had this kind of face that WON'T and  can never will launch a thousand battle ships. He had this worried expression, he checked the amount of flavoring powder a couple of times, checked the amount of ice he dropped into the blender once more before he hit the button and made sure that he gave me just two sheets of tissue and a straw. 

I'm not certain if, while reading this, some of you would find him awkward because, honestly, I did. 

I mean, was he some OC guy who couldn't even look his customer in the eye? 

I would have laughed but, then, I thought.. what if being a Zagu crew is his first job in his whole life or maybe, it's his first job after years of screwing his life. What if he wasn't able to get a college degree because he didn't have the resources to do so. What if he has a kid at home and his wife couldn't find a job because she hasn't gone to college as well. What if he's the eldest in their family and he's the only one working because his father is sick and his mom is too old to do people's laundry? What if he has a younger sister or brother who has a kidney cancer and working as a Zagu crew is the only way he could earn, and the moment he receives his salary, he only holds the money for a day and divides however small the amount is to his sister's medicine, their family's food (which by the way is not even considered as food by many of us who only eat pasta and bacon) and of course, electricity bill, if they even manage to buy one fluorescent light to light up their entire home at night. 

What if one of those WHAT IFs is true? Then I guess it was just right that I didn't laugh because that man,   that Zagu crew, has all the reasons to make sure he's doing everything about his job right. 

He gave me my cup of Zagu without making eye contact. He was smiling sheepishly at another girl who was buying Zagu as I was walking away from their booth. "Ano imo Ma'am," I heard him say.

I looked back and stared at him once more, I thought, Good luck, Nong. 

Whoever you are, whatever your story may be, I might never know. 

But I wish, somehow, Life will be good for you. 

Cluttered thoughts

So it's about a week now since the classes started. I wish I could go like, gasp! I'm a Junior! But no, I'm not. I don't feel bad though. I guess I've finally understood what they mean when they say that "life is a box of melted chocolate, it may look like shit but it's sweet."

Well, I'm slowly getting the hang of Political Science and though I'm an irregular student, I feel like I actually am learning. And you know, learning always gives us this feeling that we are growing, that we are becoming better. 

I must say, I'm loving the experience. 

I've already missed a class because I had to interview our president chancellor for an article but I am determined to keep up with everything. 

I get tired, I long for more hours of sleep but, I have goals. And I am going to work hard to attain them.

(as of the moment, the writer's mind is totally cluttered so you might notice that her thoughts don't really go together. ) :]]]